Mama asked:
My children are 4 1/2 and 3.
When I buy them gifts for birthdays, Christmas, etc, I always try to get something fun but educational.
For example, my 3 year old’s birthday was Saturday and I got her a tadpole kit so she can watch her tadpoles turn into frogs.
My sister in law sent a long hateful e-mail to my husband this morning about how I don’t let my kids have enough fun and he needs to “put his foot down” and “be assertive” with me about how “he’s the husband and what he says goes.”
He laughed it off, but I think the whole thing was a little extreme just because I don’t let them play with Bratz dolls and prefer more educational toys.
And it’s not that I made her refuse a gift from her aunt or anything. Her aunt called the day before and asked if my daughter had any Bratz dolls and I said “She isn’t allowed to” so when my sister in law asked what she might like I said “Anything, really, but if it’s educational that would be great.”
Whoops. I didn’t check where Yahoo’s suggested category. Just clicked okay. My apologies for the miscategorization.
And they do have dolls- just not Bratz. I take issue with the amount of make up and lack of clothing Bratz dolls wear.
Kids CAN have fun with educational toys. And my kids DO have toys that aren’t educational. But certain toys are too “Grown up” for a 3 year old to be playing with. I am not questioning my parenting or choice in toys as much as I’m questioning whether it was poor etiquette to refuse the Bratz doll, since that seems to be what ticked off my sister-in-law.
January 14th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
i think your sis n law should be more respectful of how you raise YOUR children, they are not hers, if she lets her children play with bratz dolls thats her choice for they are her kids, but these are your children so she should respect the way you raise them, i would just ignore the email and go on.
January 17th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
sis in law needs to get a grip, it’s really none of her business..
as for educational, I agree, and, for the Bratz, can’t stand them, either.. however, just make sure that the kids are having fun as well as learning, otherwise, in about 9 years, when they are teens, you are NOT going to be on their favorite person list.
January 20th, 2009 at 12:21 am
They are your children and your decision. Otherwise you may as well let them play computer games all day and bring up a couple of zombies.
Tell your in laws to **** out and bring your own children up as you see fit.
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
Well it’s your way to raise their kids so tell them to budger off.
Personally, I will give my kids educational toys and other fun ones, too. Like Bratz dolls. I played with dolls as a kid, and my Mom couldn’t afford those fancy computer toys and stuff, but I’m not stupid. And I don’t think I would have become any smarter because of them. I am an avid reader, even as an adult, and that started as a child. I was always good at reading. But I still loved playing with dolls.
Maybe you should consider a doll or two. Your sister in law seems bang out of order, though. This is the 21’st century. Wives don’t have to ‘obey’ their husbands.
EDIT:
Oh, and we raised tadpoles to frogs that escaped even without a tadpole kit. What the heck is that anyways? Why would you need a kit for tadpoles? They’re so easy to raise! All kids are naturally interested in those kinds of things and you don’t need to buy ‘tadpole kits’ to help the process along. Use ingenuity. Creativity. Have any of it?
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
i’m not sure what this has to do with pregnancy, but anyway you are not wrong for giving your kids educational toys, you are smart! I do the same with my daughter.
Personally, I can’t stand those BRATZ dolls, I think they are trashy….whatever happened to good old fashioned barbie? Atleast she had some class.
January 25th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
my boyfriends sister is just like that his mom bought her son a skate board because thats what he said he wanted and she made a huge deal about it and about how he;s gonna end up in the hosptil because of him breaking every bone in his body and shes gonna pay the expenses. i think its good to have educational toys for kids other wise they end up like me sitting home playing nintendo ALL DAY LONG! and on the computer even longer…. dont overreact to her, tell her where she can shove the bratz doll!
January 27th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
First to begin with YOU are the mother…. that aunt was very out of place & out of line to demand such a thing of your husband. Might I say she needs to mind her own! Secondly there is absolutely nothing wrong with preferring educational toys for your children… Its a very clever way for any parent to go because you’re killing two birds with one stone. Let the children learn whilst they play…..That’s what life is all about.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:40 am
you need to blow it off but also you need to maybe go some were and register for what she can have because obviously your ideas of gifts differ from others… just so there are no misunderstanding on what to have.
January 29th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
I plan on being the same way. I’ve been trying for years to degirlify my niece, yes, she has barbies and bratz and all that stuff, but for her birthdays, christmas, etc., I get her something a little more… outdoorsish, and she loves it… usually.
While I’m not going to disallow certain toys, I’m definitely going to try to encourage the enjoyment of more educational ones or even just the whole go outside and play thing. I know I found no interest in barbies, etc. when I was little… legos and lincoln logs and flipping over the rocks in the back yard… that’s what it’s all about.
January 30th, 2009 at 4:18 am
There your kids and good for you getting toys that are educational to many parents over load there kids with rubbish on there birthday they go mad with toys and the kid does not know what to do with them all.
i think that was a great present one that your son will learn from i would tell your sister in law to **** out
January 31st, 2009 at 3:21 am
its your children…as long as your husband agrees then tell her to buzz off. a tad pole kit actually sounds betteer than some barbie doll or whatever bratz dolls are.. when i was a kid I would have loved something like that. Me I personally **** video games the husband likes them. i think they take away kids imagination. Im not sure a bratz doll doesnt require imagination which is important. but there are so many cool educational toys now Im kinda jealous we didnt have that when I was a kid. You sound like your doing a great job with your kids. as long as the kids have fun and learn at same time…dont let her bother you..
January 31st, 2009 at 5:54 am
i do the same type of stuff for my 6 yr old,she is not interested in current fads like bratz etc,she would rather look for brids and tend her pets than play with silly dolls dressed to look like hookers,kids have more fun learning about the world around them than they do with silly dolls who teach them to conform to stereotypes for girls(looks and fashions etc)
February 1st, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I understand about not letting you child have Bratz dolls because I believe they dress them to much like an adult. But non educational toys also have propose too. Dolls and tea sets all help your children’s imagination and that is part of their brain. Plus you want to let them be children and enjoy somethings. Don’t push to much and don’t overload them junk but you don’t want them to be inside a box that you created. But your sister in law should never of wrote your husband. She should of talked to you. Good luck.
February 4th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Thy are children, let them be children!!! They have ALL the time in the world to be educated when they go to school, you sound like a boring obsessive mother to me that worries her kids will end up thick if they play with certain things, childhood is meant to be exciting not dreading each birthday or Christmas because they know its going to be a boring gift they receive!!
You were obviously brought up like this why not change it, you obviously think its not completely normal treating them the way you are or else you wouldn’t be questioning it!! Let them be kids!!
February 5th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
If they wernt supposed to have the toys you get them, then they wouldnt exsist. I think your doing the right thing for YOUR children.
February 6th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
i agree with you 100%. my daughter is 6 years old and she loves those craft kits that you can get in stores. as for the bratz dolls, my daughter does not own a single one. to me they wear very little clothing and have to much makeup on and i think it is giving young girls an image that should not be followed and also it is giving young boys the wrong idea of what girls should look like. dont let your sister in law bother you. you raise your kids how you think they should be raised and let her worry about her own.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Seriously woop her ***! She has no right to get angry with the way that you are raising YOUR children. God forbid you have some intelligent children! Shame on you! (sarcasm) Your husband needs to realize that this is a serious issue for you and he needs to be the one to tell his sister to **** out. Men are weird when it comes to their mothers, fathers, etc. I would put my foot down alright…right where the sun don’t shine! Sorry, I have a similar predicament. Good luck.
February 9th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
i can see your point everyone is right about it not being none of sister in laws business. but i look at it this way your kids are only little once why not let them enjoy life they have got to go to school for many many years and they are going to get a lot of education. i am just saying maybe slack up a little on the educational toys and find something that they are interested in. and who knows they may want the educational toys if there not pushed on them so much. come on what kind of toys did you have when you were little.
February 11th, 2009 at 4:37 am
Nosuch thig as “so” wrong. It’s either yes or no and by your long description you are 100% in the right!
February 11th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Your SIL should mind her own business.
Ugh, it makes me so mad that toys that help kids explore their world AREN’T considered “fun.” Bratz dolls are complete junk food for the brain! A 4 1/2 year old doesn’t even get the point of that kind of doll. If a kid likes dolls, they want to play with them, throw them around, whatever - there’s no reason it has to be a little human in fishnets and hooker skirt.
Kids love toys that get them doing things outside. If they love them, why isn’t that considered a fun toy? I can’t believe the narrow-minded thinking your SIL is showing.
I would suggest don’t give her any direction if she asks about gifts in the future. It’s not a big deal if your kids get one or two presents that you wouldn’t have picked out for yourselves (except those Bratz dolls - I’m with you on those, they are in a class of their own and are just plain inappropriate). That’s probably what ticked her off.
If she does give your kids something inappropriate at their age, it will be easy to make sure they get put on a high shelf and disappear pretty quickly.
I was the same way about Disney branding. We didn’t watch all the videos the way my daughter’s friends did so she didn’t grow up knowing all the differences between Arial and Beauty and the rest. We read fairy tales, but not the Disney ones. I had a friend who thought this was cruel to my child so she gave her one of those HUGE Arial dolls for her birthday - the ones that cost over $50. I just shrugged. My daughter was happy with getting a big mermaid. It didn’t mean we started watching Disney movies. She’s just not a video watcher, she’d much rather be making rockets out of alka-seltzer tabs and film cannisters.
February 13th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Bratz dolls are NOT allowed in my house eiter. The toys that are bought for my children are either educational or sports/activity related. Your sister in law needs to back off and let you raise YOUR kids!!!
February 15th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
You are not wrong but I believe your response “she isn’t allowed to” set the stage for hurt feelings. Even if you said it in the nicest tone — it was like a door shutting in her face and she needed to vent.
Your in-law certainly knows that she is no position to tell you what your child needs for fun. She took it personal and used the child rearing as a front to her hurt feelings.
Remember it’s the thought that counts. The in-law was trying and maybe didn’t know.
Good Luck
February 17th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
You sound like a great mom!
Your SIL was out of line. You are doing what you think is best for your children. You do not need to answer to your SIL for your parenting decisions. My daughter is almost 4 and she also has many dolls (cabbage patch and such) but I do not buy dolls such as the bratz either. I do not agree with them and the message they convey to little girls. And I have had a similar disagreement with my MIL before about how I don’t always take her suggestions on how to raise my children. I kindly told her that the key phrase was “my children” and my husband let her know that he supported me 100%. Talk to your husband and present a calm, united front to your SIL and hopefully this won’t happen again! Good luck and keep doing a great job, Mom.
February 19th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
i think she needs to but out of your business! I think the toys you buy your kids are fun AND they can learn from them! I don’t see anything wrong with what you are doing!
February 20th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
They’re your kids not hers. Just because you want your kids to be smarter then the average bear and she wants hers to “do as they like,” makes you smarter, I think. And tadpoles are way more fun then Bratz anyway. Tadpoles will show the miracle of life, while Bratz give off the wrong message. Slim bodies, lots of makup and big lips. That’s not what 4 year olds should be taught as “pretty.”
So tell her that 1.What husbands say, do not always go.
and 2. Shove it.